Cycle of Shame


From ages 6-17, I was a Ward of the State, living in foster homes, shelters and children's homes. During ages 6-9 I was the victim of serial rape, both anal and oral. Unlike many I grew up with, I survived and with intensive psychotherapy recovered from my abuse. I later became an activist on child abuse and neglect issues, speaking publicly of my experiences to scores of groups. I lived an honorable life until age 46, when I completed the Cycle of Shame by sexually abusing my nine year old stepdaughter by touching her pubic mound for about five seconds and touching the breasts and pubic mound of an 11 year old family friend for about 15 seconds. I plead guilty to two counts of Sexual Abuse in the First Degree and was sentenced to five years in prison. I received five years probation and am nearing the end of my first year in Sex Offender Group Treatment. The consequences I have suffered have at times been nearly unbearable... and are completely deserved. To simply never offend again is not enough. My soul demands I atone.

Tuesday, May 18, 2004

Building A Support System for Molesters...

Child molesters who have received therapy have a very low instance of re-offending. Unfortunately therapy is not available at present. One path of atonement will be to establish a website for child molesters. While there are hundreds of sites for victims of abuse, there is no support system for abusers. Many of us despise what we did and wished for help in stopping while we were doing it, but no help was available. Abuse reporting laws have evolved to the point that psychotherapists believe they are obligated to make official reports if someone comes to them for help after committing sexual abuse. While this is not true (as I will discuss more fully later) the net result has been to prevent people needing therapy from getting it. The term "chilling effect" is often used in such instances, but in this case it is the equivalent of Antartica.

To accomplish my website goal, I ask for the help of web professionals. Offenders coming to share their cries for help must be confident of confidentiality, therefore the site must not make any identifying record of visitors. I need the expertise to accomplish this and a place for the website to live in security.

Until we can establish the already existing fact that therapy is legal without criminal action, the website will offer a place where those who want to stop can receive support, counseling and help from others who have been there. We can help them stop the abuse. After all, that is the only important issue... making the abuse stop. Yes, prosecution also stops the abuse - in spades - but only a very small percentage of abuse is ever reported. If the website helps prevent even one case of abuse, it will be worth the effort, but I believe many who are abusing want to stop and never abuse again.

If you have resources to offer in developing such a website, please email me at

Will you be a Child Molester?

Do you know the answer to that question? The only correct answer is "No"!

No matter who you are... no matter what you believe... you have the potential to sexually abuse a child.

There were no circumstances under which I could ever have believed that I could become a child molester... but I did. The only responsibility for this is mine. I now suffer the consequences and accept them fully.

This blog begins an online effort to atone for my crimes. I cannot turn back the clock... I cannot undo what I did... I cannot remove the pain and suffering I caused... I can only share my experiences and help others to either stop what they are doing or make them aware of their inner potential to offend.

Here I will share essays. Take them for what they are worth.